Springwell Running Club - Sheughie & Princess do MMM 2020

After weeks of practicing, buying teeny tiny stoves for the price of a return flight to Spain, acquiring a big box of bubble wrap from a local MLA and googling things like ‘the best compass’ (WTF?!), the day had finally come for Sheughie and Princess to head down to the Mournes to participate in the C class at the 2020 Mourne Mountain Marathon for the first time!

But first, let’s rewind a little…

How did it come to this?

You see, Sheughie and Princess only just ran their first ever mountain race only last year. Between them, they had only been up a’ Mournes less than 10 times. Neither had even completed the Duke of Edinburgh at school. The first time our Sheughie went up a mountain, she wore her pyjama top and fell in the same sheugh twice (hence ‘Sheughie). So, do you see what I’m getting at here?

So, the MMM is a challenging, endurance event where even those that have been doing it 20 odd years still find it challenging and make mistakes. It’s really all about the navigation. So Sheughie and Princess thought to themselves:

‘Why not give this a go? Sure we never get lost up mountains, do we? Well, apart from those few times in Binevenagh the other week. We have an OK sense of direction. Plus, we like running up hills and stuff. If other people can do it, why can’t we? Feck it. Let’s ‘get her signed!’

Another thing you should know about these two is that the majority of signups for races are on a Saturday evening where there may (or may not) be Strongbow or Prosecco involved. (I will let you guess who drinks what. Well, apart from the one time that should never be mentioned.)

So, a few months ago, whilst sitting on their sofas after a semi- successful day up Binevenagh, S&P signed themselves up for the MMM 2020!

Most people who have a track record like S&P would consult their experienced mountain friends first before considering such a thing. But no, these two knew better and just ‘got ‘er signed’! Cue some polite, surprised texts from their cool mountain friends after seeing their names on the MMM 2020 entry list.

S&P thought if they just watched some YouTube videos on navigation they would ‘be grand’. I mean how hard can it be? When the Schnauzer got wind of this, he was clearly horrified. He tactfully recommended they go on a navigation course with this hard-core mountain woman called Moire. Legend has it that she slept in a portaloo one year. Thankfully, S&P took his advice and did something sensible for a change.

Happy Days Out!

So just a few weeks before the MMM off they went to the Kingdom of Mourne to learn stuff about ‘that aul navigation’. There were just 2 others on the course with them and Moire put them all through their paces and shared the tricks of the trade.

During the course Princess even got upgraded to the ‘thumb compass’ and she felt very special and intelligent (which of course she is because her daddy said so).

At this point, thank you to Moire for her expert instruction and support before, during and after! (more of that later). If considering this event and are new to the sport please consider Moire’s course at ‘Happy Out Adventures’ happyoutadventures.com

One further navigational exercise on the Antrim plateau and we were all set! What possibly could go wrong?

The night before C Class

Sharpies, scones, sodas, maps, and pot noodles purchased.

Just one last thing: to check off the kit list and practice putting up this year’s additional Tent. After all, they didn’t want to make arses of themselves at the campsite in front of all the cool mountain folk by faffing around with a tent.

So off Princess went to Sheughie’s house for final preparations. Kit list checked off and now to pitch the additional tent - one that Sheughie had found in her hot press a few weeks ago.

They erected the tent but there was just something not quite right about it. It looked a little bit limp. They tried everything: putting the poles in different holes and moving them into different positions. But despite all this, it just didn’t look like it could withstand too much of a hammering if the weather took a turn. Anyway, they folded it all up, inserted it into its bag and put it into the rear of Princess’ car. It will do rightly.

They were all set!

C Day 1

Leaving Coleraine just before 6 a.m. they successfully got themselves to Meelmore Lodge for registration and start. They didn’t even miss the turn off for Meelmore, cos apparently that can happen. Isn’t that right Mark?
Kit bags clicked on, they made their way to registration by ignoring the big yellow arrow and sign that said ‘Registration’ and walked towards the portaloos.

Just nerves though, give them a break!

Princess told Sheughie they were team no. 22. Sheughie declared that she was going to get a tattoo of the number 22 after this was over. The tattoo in advance may have helped as marshals throughout the weekend asked difficult questions like…. “What’s your team number?” and “Who’s the wee doll behind the big ruc?”
So S&P skipped up the lane and vaulted over the stile to the start. They were full of wonder and enthusiasm for what lay ahead. Sheughie dibbed for the first time and route cards were handed over. Maps were unfolded and red sharpies were out. They swiftly marked the start incorrectly and ran past the first control. It was just nerves, ok?!

With not even an hour into the race, they had both had bad falls (like really bad) but this did not deter them. With blood paishing out of their legs and a wild look in their eyes these girls meant business. They met the lovely Ruth and Gillian at one of the controls who gently told them to calm down.

They ran off to their fifth control. The route they chose was, of course, a sensible and easy route choice: going up to come down, they went up again through the rough heather and would just have to scale the wee Mourne wall to get to number 6. As they got to the wall though, it suddenly became ‘not wee’. But we all know that sometimes in life, there is no other option but to just get the leg over.

Sheughie went over the wall first, and true to form, got stuck. There she was, a vision, lying across the top of the Mourne wall, balanced by her jumbo ruck sack with her legs and arse dangling off the end. By fluke another team was running by on the other side. It so happened to be the Schnauzer and Jimmy. Fortunately, the Schnauzer was wearing his creepy ‘nav glasses’ so he was able to see them and stop to help. Humpty and Dumpty were assisted off the wall and of course it was all very gracious, calm and athletic. No kings’ horses or men needed – just two donkeys.

More controls successfully dibbed and by this stage, Sheughie realised that she really liked dibbing. In fact, she found it very satisfying. She had dibbed 9 times already and it wasn’t even tea time yet!

They were in good spirits and made up childish, rude songs to keep themselves amused.
S&P agreed they were settling into the event well after a bit of a ‘shaky start’. So far so good they thought! They could even see the camp site. Not long now….

That buckin’ Quarry Hut

Control 10: ‘Quarry Hut North of Junction’

Easy! Especially now they knew that a quarry hut was not a wooden shed and were experienced navigators by this stage of the competition.

This control will be a piece of piss.
Negative.
They were up and down and in and out, like two ladies on a club 18-30 holiday. Although they were neither ladies nor anywhere close to 30!

Princess declared the map was wrong and inaccurate. They leeched onto other teams even teams with fancy altimeters. Still, nothing.

After an hour Princess began folding her arms and we all know what that means. But just out of the corner of her eye, she saw it…
….the control? No. But some boy who took pity on them and gave them some help.

Camp

The girls tried to salvage some dignity and in order to look super strong and fit; they ran along the track back and across the finish line.

Ruth came running over and looked very relieved to see them.

They were ecstatic to be back at camp and even got invited to camp next to the cool mountain people who win things.

Socks changed and plastic bags on the kebs and they were ready to pitch. Thank god they had practiced putting up tent 2 the previous night

At this point they saw the Schnauzer with his leggings on. There he was with two odd plastic bags on his feet, one leg rolled up to show off his bandage with noodles hanging out of his gob. He had grazed his shin – poor thing. There was a strong Keith Lemon vibe to his look. S&P weren’t sure if this was intentional or not.

So ‘Keith Lemon’ and English James nobly helped the girls pitch their tents. Tent 1 went up like a dream. Tent 2, the one Sheughie found in her hot press, was a different matter. There is one thing forgetting to bring your tent but it is quite another bringing two parts of two different tents and then wondering why it doesn’t look right. This bemused the cool mountain people whose tents probably weighed 20g and took 20 secs to erect.
After pot noodles and tea, the day 1 results were in! All the cool mountain people had performed well and were in podium positions in their various categories.

Unfortunately, the girls were not on track for a podium position, sitting in 46th place out of 49. Princess, trying to be positive told Sheughie that tomorrow was another day and it wasn’t over yet. Just you wait and see! We will be all over it tomorrow!

Sheughie went to bed dressed as a slug at 6 p.m. and the others walked around the campsite 203 times, checking out kit, eating chocolate and talking to boyos in tents and vans.
Then they all went to bed and freezed their grazed wee asses off until the Mourne.

C Day 2

Up like larks, S&P bait their porridge and tea into them. They both felt refreshed and ready for action. Whilst standing by their cooker, they thought Keith Lemon was coming over to say good morning to them. How lovely! But no, he was just looking for Gillian’s expensive titanium spork.
They took down their tents, packed up and took their rubbish over to the bin. The rubbish included tent 2. The mountain boys are an enterprising lot. On sight of the tent entering the skip they were in like vultures recycling pegs and poles in an instant! Tent 2 will live on in some guise in the hands of those who know about tent erections.

They clicked in and made their way to the start, all full of enthusiasm and wonderment.
Sheughie dibbed her dibber and they got their route card. The aul faulty map was marked up for yet another day and off they skipped.

The skipping was short lived as they huffed and puffed up the mountain. After the second control, little Princesses precious leg went down a pure massive big hole and got badly, badly cut. It was very dramatic and awful and she was sure it was possibly life threatening.

She cried little diamond tears. ‘We might need to call Mountain Rescue’ she thought.

But Sheughie bandaged her up, gave her a biscuit and patted her on the head. All was well in unicorn paradise.

Another buckin’ Quarry Hut

Control 4: ‘Quarry hut next to stream’. Easy peasy.
Nope.

Tick tock, tick tock as they argued over the Blue Lough. Sheughie decided she didn’t want it to be the Blue Lough. That bloody map was wrong again! Get these girls a proper map or a refund!!!

Princess sat down on a stone and had a feed of Haribo whilst declaring that they may have to retire. Plus, let us not forget that she was also badly injured.

Sheughie said she was going to cry. Then she met her cousin Sean and his mate from Coleraine and this gave her a new sense of hope. Princess still sat on the stone shovelling Haribo in til’ her.

They timed out and were forced to retire. Weeping and wailing ensued and two mini bottles of Prosecco were consumed to take the edge of this tragedy. Sheughie’s cousin was horrified.

Princess was feeling a bit better. Then Sheughie’s cousin said they wouldn’t get a tee shirt or a car sticker because they didn’t finish. Princess wept again, even though she had forgotten about the tee shirt and didn’t want it anyway.

They made their way back to Meelmore Lodge. As they got closer they became bitter and twisted and decided that they maybe hated everyone.

Finish

They arrived at the finish and Princess cried in front of Moire (so embarrassing!) Sheughie noticed Moire’s lovely teeth as she said all the right things to her adoring fans. They loved Moire and one day want to be like her – this may take many years!

Sheughie got a ‘piece’ and Princess got a ‘samich’. Princess cried again and then went to the doctor to get her nasty wound attended to. She secretly hoped it was bad enough to need stitches so that she could use that as the reason for the ‘Tragic Team 22 Retirement’.

The doctor looked at her graze and told her:
“I think you will live another day my dear. I mean, Mark Alexander’s shin won the prize this year for worst injury. I could even see some bone.’

Princess rolled her eyes and swiftly skulked off with her unicorn tail between her legs.

They drove up the road to Coleraine and phoned Ruth to tell her the terrible, shameful news. Ruth was super nice which meant Princess cried again and couldn’t see the road.

Sheughie looked at the results and told Princess that there were lots of DNFs and this comforted them slightly.

They stopped off and hobbled into Applegreen cos Princess wanted a pink donut. They hoped that everyone knew what they had just done. Although, in reality, they just looked like two farmers wives that had come off a hard day on the field, digging praties.

Sheughie tried to have a play at the toy grabbing machine.

‘I will win something this weekend, even if it is just a brown feckin’ teddy from China’ she said.

But even that didn’t work out.

The girls went home to take drink, feel sorry for themselves, bathe in Dettol and demand that their goat friend made them look good on the Springwell Running Club Facebook page.

It was only then that they realised that they should have probably entered the D class.

On one serious note, a huge thanks to the organisers of such wonderful event. In trying times you staged a compliant and safe event. You made us feel very welcome throughout the weekend. Whilst inexperienced and perhaps we underestimated the class we entered we will be back with a little more wit bringing us hopefully up to half-wits at least. Thank you!

Finally, Sheughie will not be getting a tattoo of the number 22.

Sheughie & Princess after their forced retirement on Day 2